Saturday, August 16, 2014

Like My Butt Depends on It...

For the sake of Full Disclosure:
This is NOT a sponsored post.
(although, come on, if this subtle thing doesn't start working...)
This IS a blatant Self Promotion
so, please, click HERE and VOTE
you will know who's life depends on it by the end of this post.

This is how you wind up making a 17 foot long main sail:

First – marry a man who's Dad was in the South Pacific during WWII.
The South Pacific was never safer.

Okay. In all fairness, these guys were probably all of 19 years old. They made these boats with odds and ends of wood and parachute scraps.
 Second – allow your children to grow up, no longer requiring weekend trips to the zoo and the
                   park, thus giving you and your husband too much free time.
They look like their father.
 Then – Buy a satellite radio receiver which is permanently tuned to Margaritaville Radio, thus causing both you and your spouse to become inadvertent Parrotheads.
Truck sailing is mandatory at all Jimmy Buffett concerts.

After which – the above husband reads ALL the books about sailing.
I think my favorite is the one titled 'A Speck on the Sea'.
And – you foolishly convince the book reading, son of a sailor, to MAKE the wooden mast as it will look so totally awesome with the rest of the wooden boat.
This is called scarfing. Or as I refer to it - trying not to sand the crap out of your fingers.

23 feet. That is one big toothpick.

This is the very top end. That hole is where the lines for the sails thread through.
 While – you both read and re-read The Old Man and the Sea.
Think how much more popular the story would have been with the addition of ZOMBIES!

After which – the delusional husband tries to sweet talk you into MAKING a sail for the awesome wooden boat, and when that doesn't work he shows you how much more buying a sail would cost.

So – you order a sail making kit from Sailrite.
Sure. Simple...
And – you spend approximately six weekends rearranging tables, oiling the twenty-eight year old Kenmore machine, zig-zagging weird plastic-feeling fabric. And when it gets too big, you roll it and make the &*^^%^* husband help feed it through the tiny machine which until now has only made a few items of clothing, some curtains, an 8th grade dance dress and several outfits for Barbie. 
I think this is actually a picture of me working on the jib. Which was smaller. Barely.
 But when it is finished, and the bleeding has stopped (from a thumb piercing needle injury) -
You get to sail your beautiful, completely hand made boat in the Gulf of Mexico!
(Well, the Choctawhatchee Bay, which is pretty salty and very tide-y.)
That's your basic salt water splash right there.

Which shortly after – you realize that your fifty-three year old butt needs some cushions. And Sailrite also sells fabric for cushions.

So – Please! Click on the link below and VOTE.And then, take a minute to go to their website and look around. They have everything for sails as well as out door furniture cushions and so much more!
                                      SailRite Photo Contest

My butt will thank you.
After I finish cursing you and everyone else who aided in me being forced to make the cushions. So, technically, no one will die. 

1 comment:

  1. Now THAT is seriously cool. I can't believe ya'll built your own boat!


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