Thursday, September 8, 2016

The Three Dog Night Defense

The setting: a court room. A man sits slumped in the witness chair. The prosecution begins:

You say this 'Jeremiah' was a...(dramatic pause followed by disbelieving look towards the jury) a BULLFROG??? 

-yes. He was a good friend of mine.

Really? A good friend. Just how good a friend was he,sir, if -and I quote- 
(Looks down at sheet of paper and reads) 'I never understood a single word he said'. 
Yet, (lays paper down on bench, softens look briefly as shakes head) yet, still, you drank his wine....
Was it 'mighty fine'? Was it? (Slaps hand on bench in front of witness) Was it in fact might fine wine?! 

(Defendant draws himself up to full height, stands, faces jury)
Yes! I did it for the boys! And the girls! And all those fishies in the deep blue sea! 
Yes! (Looks imploringly at audience spreads open palms out in sweeping motion) I did it for you and me!
(The audience erupts in shouts and wild 70's electric organ music as bailiff drags defendant from room)

Prosecution stacks papers, throws them into briefcase clicking it shut as she says:
Yes, he always had some mighty fine wine....

(Inspired by a derogatory comment over my decision to taunt my husband with a line from the Three Dog Night song ONE last night as we fought over the bed sheet.)
Apologies to Hoytt Axton. Although I could totally see him playing the judge in this scenario. 


  1. Oh that cracked me up! I can certainly see it played out with Kermit.

    1. OMG - now I am seeing Kermit, but as a 70's frog with a floppy suede hat, beard and bell bottoms!! Casting must begin at once!!

  2. I see a new Saturday Night Live piece here. They could have lots of fun with this idea. Hello, Loren, are you listening?

  3. I totally remember this song. Love the scenario you've written here!

  4. Now, I'm singing that song! Thanks ;)

  5. You are so clever - never loved that song, but you made it a lot more fun!


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