Random Thoughts, A Food Truck and Meet Monty

A word of warning for all you guys who read this blog: This post begins with many lady-words. Grab a beer, put your hand down your pants and skim down to the photos if you wish. However, the photos DO NOT have anything to do with lady-words.

So just settle down.

I have been wanting to update the Coast for quite some time. I have numerous ideas and photos but as it turns out, the link between my brain and the actual words has been disconnected.

My brain has turned to mush.

You see, I stopped my hormone replacement therapy (HRT) about 10 weeks ago. I was having headaches and discovered the one constant was the medication I was taking at bedtime. Stopped the med and the headaches stopped. Instantly!

DISCLAIMER: HRT is a personal choice and starting as well as stopping should be down after discussion with your MD. Which I have done extensively for my own personal issues.

Anyway, once I had no more headaches I felt great.

For about six weeks.

And then the hot flashes restarted. But this time they are accompanied by insomnia and freeze flashes.

SERIOUSLY?

It seems my hypothalamus has decided to play thermo-roulette.

Add to that the ten thousand degree humidity here on the Coast of Illinois and I can go from zero to five thousand degrees in 2.2 seconds then just as quickly spiral downward to negative thirty-two. This sudden freeze is new to me. I have always been a pretty thermo-neutral person.

It does me no good to put on a sweater – the freeze doesn't last that long. And as to rolling up my shirt to air out...well, that is STILL socially unacceptable in most situations.

Consequently, I have been on the AttentionDeficit Express.

My sweet husband, in an attempt to settle me down, surprised me with an overnight stay in Grafton, Illinois-(more on that in an upcoming post)- and while it was wonderful and relaxing and delicious, all I could think of as I sat on the hotel deck on Sunday morning, sipping my coffee and watching the barge boats, was this: Just how many people have used this hotel coffee maker to wash their underwear?

You know what? I don't care! Underwear coffee is delish. Especially when sitting outside watching the actual working Coast of Illinois.

A thought put in my head by a discussion with my so-called friends regarding just how clean hotel rooms really are.

Why? Why do you people do this to me?

Back to reality, and work, I found that taking melatonin does help me feel sleepy. However feeling sleepy and actually sleeping are two different things. On night six of barely sleeping I was so tired I honestly couldn't open my eyes yet I couldn't fall asleep. (I highly suggest this torture as a way to truly weed out our presidential candidates.)

I spoke with the nurse at my doctor's office, and after she finished laughing at my discovery that stopping HRT causes a return of hot flashes and insomnia, she offered to send me out a sleep aid.

I am terrified of these pills.

I feel I would be entirely too susceptible to sleep eating, sleep driving and sleep gambling – which I can only assume I would be just as bad at as awake gambling.

Being the health-care professional that I am, I did what most people do. I ignored the doctor's advice and after working three 10-hour shifts in a major trauma center when the 1000 beds available were all full yet people continue to shoot, run-over and fail to take actual care of themselves, I returned home, changed the sheets, bathed in a lavender 'sleep' bath, sprayed the new sheets with lavender 'sleep' spray. I ignored the news, Facebook and all other social media, opened the window – as our AC was out due to a Wizard of Oz worthy storm – and passed out.

It is amazing what an actual good night sleep will do.

I am still not quite back to normal.

There are some who would argue that I have never been there.

But I am beginning to feel a little more like myself.

I have continued to limit my exposure to the hyper-insane news.

I am hiding everyone who posts ridiculous, poorly researched news items on Facebook.

I have started exercising again.

And I am making myself sit down and write.

I apologize if this post is not quite up to my usual silliness.

Let me make it up to you with this pictorial.

I call it:

My 70-Something Parents Meet Their First Food Truck!

This is the General Sherman Hot Dog Truck. It stopped at our local grocery store.

This is Dad. He is ordering two hot dogs. And a water. And a root beer. He is fuzzy because it is ONE MILLION DEGREES OUTSIDE.

This is Mom. This outing was part of her birthday celebration. She and I decided to split a dog.  Nothing but the best for Mom!

It seems the mustard was a little more difficult than anticipated. You can do it Mom!

While the folks wanted to take their hot dogs home to dine in the comfort of air conditioning, I made them eat outside, standing up like proper food truck hipsters. The dogs were delish.

And then we went in to grocery shop and LOOK! An ice cream sundae bar set up just for us! Don't you love when the world works in your favor!

Stay cool everyone! This is the time of year when we must remember – Come January temps in the zeros we will be praying for July again!!

 

Say hello to Monty! He has finally made his way to his station outside our front door. 

 Welcome to the Coast of Illinois!

Unmentionable

I had to go underwear shopping the other day. I didn't 'get' to. I was 'asked' to. And by 'asked' I mean handed a handful of cash and ordered to go because people were tired of hearing me complain that the elastic in my current undergarments refused to keep up its end of the bargain. There was a day when this would have been fun. Now it is just traumatic.

Too practical and my husband is traumatized.

Too sexy and my daughter (who helps with the laundry) and the sales clerk, who is inevitably younger than my daughter are traumatized.

Too expensive and...have you seen Agent Provocateur?

Too thong-y and well...There is a time and a place for thongs. And I am here to tell you that the place is not between my butt and cotton scrub pants and the time is not a ten hour work day.

So, I headed to the mall with my Macy's coupons, my Fredericks of Hollywood reward card and very low expectations. It should be noted that I have had the Fredericks reward card for nearly five years and have yet to receive anything more than a depressing reminder that 'tonga' panties are really just fancy thongs.

I searched the racks for something between high-waisted and flossing.

There was the barely there collection which defies all the laws of sewing by not having a single seam.

The bikini cut hasn't changed in forty years. This is unfortunate. I have changed quite a lot.

High-cut shows more thigh. No one needs to see that.

The boy-short is cute and hides the upper thigh. By emphasizing the thickest part of the middle thigh.

A new style at Victoria's Secret's is sweetly named the 'cheeky'. Need I say more?

I even found one brand which promised NO MORE MUFFIN TOP. Wear their underwear and no more belly overhang. "How can they do this?" you might ask. And I would respond, "By making the waistband five inches wide and manufacturing the elastic out of inner tube rubber. Once those babies are on they are staying on. I pity the fool who attempts to grab the waistband and wedgie the wearer. Their fingers will be cut off by the shearing force of the industrial restraining power required to keep middle-aged stomachs from overhanging their jeans.

Not that many middle-agers I know are giving or getting wedgies.

In the end, I went with the 'hipster'. It hits that delicate balance between nursing home and strip club and most companies offer it in a variety of colors and patterns. Plus I like the name:
'Hipster'. It says hip right there in the name. Victoria's Secret even had a pair covered with sequins. However, they were not part of the super secret $5 a pair sale so I sadly left them on the counter.

I hate to think what sort of trauma sequins would inflict.

*On the day I went shopping, the Frederick's of Hollywood store at my mall was closed. Supposedly there was some sort of water main issue. Personally, I feel it is some sort of Hollywood Rewards conspiracy.

**Seriously. Have you seen Agent Provocateur? Their lingerie is gorgeous. (I think it becomes lingerie when the price goes over 3 for $15.)  And stupid expensive.  I wonder if they participate in Rent the Runway...