Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Haunted

 I work odd hours, sometimes getting me home late at night when everyone else is sound asleep. 

One such evening, as I was getting cleaned up before bed, I heard someone in the kitchen. Drawers opening and closing, cutlery shuffling. 

I thought for a minute that Rob was up making a late night snack, even though he was SOUND asleep when I got home. I was tempted to tiptoe down the hall and peek in through the pass through window from hall to kitchen and say ‘hey!’. 

But something kept me from doing so. 

A slight crawling sensation at the back of my neck. 

Instead, I finished up in the bathroom, scurried to bed and crawled in next to my SOUNDLY sleeping husband. 

The next morning there was no evidence of a late night snack attack. I asked Rob about the sounds, and while he had slept through that visit, he did report that when coming back in the house after doing yard work, he felt as though someone was in the house. TWICE. And such a real feeling that he actually searched the premises! 


Welcome to our haunted house.


A haunted house…

A haunting image…

Haunted by the memory…

Phrases that evoke romantic, suspenseful,  mysterious feelings..


A phrase which evokes looks of concern over one's mental stability…


You get used to it.


I have lived in this haunted house for 37 years. We began to suspect its extracorporeal resident shortly after moving in when, one night,I smelled the distinct scent of cigar smoke and heard the pages of a book turning. It was around midnight. My husband was at work and I was alone with the cat. 

I cleared the house in my best FBI manner- flipping every light on and shouting ‘we’re coming in!’ 

(We, being me and the cat.)

I covered every inch, following the sound to the basement where the noise and smell were strongest until I flipped the light in the back room when it all stopped.

I moved back through the house, shaking my head and wondering about my state of mind, turning lights off as I passed, the cat trotting along at my feet, silently judging my ridiculousness.

Until we passed the dark powder room. This is when my normally mild mannered feline hunched her back and hissed in a manner I had never heard. 

I don’t remember how I got back to my bedroom. I do remember the slamming door as I buried myself deep under the country blue comforter. 


Rob looked at me with concern when I told him this tale the next morning. His skepticism and background in psychiatric care kept me mute to the shadows I would see move in the hallway through the pass through in the kitchen. Or the footsteps I would hear from time to time. 


It was several months later that we learned, from the overly informative neighbor, that Mrs. D. had died in the kitchen. 

‘Dead before she hit the floor’ in Virginia’s bluntly comforting words.


Things became clearer after that.

Taking this knowledge and sculpting it with my extensive research of scary movies and Stephen King books, I decided that Mrs. D. was clearly displeased with our multitude of changes to HER house.

I took to informing her that while I LOVED roses, I thought they would be better suited in the side yard rather than on the patio where our eventual toddler could fall into the thorns.

That bird mural on the hall was LOVELY! But as it was fading and I could never do it justice, it was getting painted over. Oh, and the ADORABLE pink shutters used to frame it were gone as well…


Mrs. D. did more than visit. She seems to have taken on the job of afterlife hostess, ushering in ‘the see-through man’ who would watch the kids as they played in the living room, the gentle reassuring guest whose warm palm touched my cheek one sleepless night, the annoyed visitor who exploded a glass on the kitchen counter and kept knocking a shoe off of a baby doll. She has even allowed visits from both of our cats, now gone to their better place. 


Years have passed and Mrs. D. has made her presence known here and there. So much so that we decided to do some research. Turns out she was a graphic artist. 

The powder room was supposed to be part of a master bedroom suite, but plans changed.

The garage door-painted like brick to match the house-was a dare. And so much fun to raise to the shocked expressions of bystanders.

I learned a few things from her son, whom I worked with briefly, although not closely enough to tell him his mother was still hanging around.

Some I learned from our friend google and some concrete facts were discovered by a good friend and her ancestry account. 


Thankfully, as time has passed, Rob has admitted to hearing footsteps and noting the undeniable presence of our first cat walking along the back of the couch while our present cat slept in plain view. 

Such a fun sharing moment. 


Overnight guests have also noticed things-a lamp turning itself on, a toy unwinding and of course, those footsteps. 


Some folks find it creepy that I am so nonchalant with these strange happenings.

Honestly, I sort of like the idea that maybe we get to visit from time to time. 

I have read that ‘hauntings’ can be reasoned away as excess energy, left from previous occupants who experienced extreme emotion in the haunted space.

If Einstein is to be believed, “Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another.”

I hope Mrs. D. is happy energy.

I think she is.

And to that end, we threw her a birthday party this year. It was her 102 birthday. (I only recently found the date or we would have had a blowout 100th!)

And I’ll hold a memorial on the day of her passing. In the kitchen. Right on the floor.



Fondue! It's what you do for your circa 1970's house ghost's birthday!

Sunday, January 14, 2024

Tuppence a Bag

 I am not sure when I became a crazy bird lady. 

Yes, we inherited a well weathered wooden feeder when we bought the house 37 years ago.

Sure, when the kids were little we made special bird cakes and popcorn and cranberry strands to hang in the ‘bird tree’ at Christmas.

Okay, I have requested bird feeding paraphernalia for several gift giving holidays in the past. 

And…I have not one but two bird identifier aps on my phone….


Robins playing a drinking game


The prevailing thought seems to be that a bird feeder, binoculars, notebook and brown paper bag of breadcrumbs arrives concurrent with your AARP card. (With the first time you complain about the weather as related to joint pain they add in an Audubon beginners bird book.)


Admittedly the median age of any five people in my bird seed store (yes, I have a preferred bird seed store - Wild Birds Unlimited) is 64.25 years of age, this is no reason to automatically assign senior discount status to my credentials. I do think that while our ‘lost year’ (the pandemic) helped make birding more acceptable to multiple generations, there is still a sensible shoes and bulky cardigan sweaters vibe attached. 


(This does not include Hummingbirds. Hummingbirds are enjoying a globally popular resurgence in feeding and tracking. And while they are thrilling, I have yet to see such meanly aggressive behavior in any of my other yard birds. I had to set up a decoy feeder just so Alpha Hummingbird could guard ‘HIS’ feeder.) 

slightly grainy photo of Alpha Hummingbird

I eased into bird watching slowly with the aforementioned inherited feeder. Fueled by observing the delight my Dad took in spotting a tufted titmouse or a rare blue bunting. 

In fact, Dad was the first person I alerted when I spotted not one but two vibrantly blue bunting at my feeders one summer. 

There is nothing quite like the thrill of catching the first migratory dark eyed junco cruising in for a tasty suet snack. Or catching a bluejay as he grabs an entire peanut in the shell. 

And don’t get me started on spotting TWO actual blue birds at the birdbath over Christmas this year! 



Of course, bird watching is also an opportunity to teach your young children about the circle of life as Red-Tailed hawk swoops in, clearing the busy feeder and catching a turtle dove nearly twice his side. The catch being so big that he had to hop-drag it to the top of the yard where an even larger hawk relieved him of his meal. 

It was an equally amazing and horrifying lesson. But one that made a lasting impression on the importance of living in the moment…


I added the Merlin bird ID ap during one of the many Bird Count Weekends. An at home event The next Great Backyard Bird Count is Feb 16-19. Check it out here - https://www.birdcount.org/


What better excuse than to hang around by your favorite window or on your deck with a cup of coffee!


One of the most peaceful activities in my mind is just quietly watching the traffic at my newly filled feeder. There are identifiable traffic patterns and seatings. 

Early morning gets the smaller birds, cardinals, blue jays and squirrels. 

Mid-day brings starlings, doves, robins and squirrels. 

Evening can be a mix, especially if The Great Seed Lady opts to refill. Then it’s a little bit of everyone. 

And squirrels.

Okay, technically not a squirrel, but just so amazing. And part of the feeding pattern

not a single bird or squirrel has EVER brought their babies up to visit.


Unlike a lot of birders, I don’t mind the ancillary eaters - including but not limited to squirrels, deer, raccoons, possums, fox, coyote and once an actual HORSE!

They provide a bit of comic relief as they try to hang upside down to empty the $35 a bag thistle seed all over the ground, or attempt to grab a quick drink of water while not disturbing the human sitting in the deck chair less than a foot away from the bird bath.

And how much fun is it to watch that scoop of seed shoot out of the feeder and onto your feet because Squirrel has chewed a larger opening in the side of the feeder to make it easier to throw seed everywhere. 

The trick is to keep the everyone well fed to the point of hiding whole peanuts in the deck plants thus providing a fun experiment in Just What is That Sprouting in February in my banana tree pot and NOT eating my tomatoes.


Yet, with all the extra cost of seed, suet, feeders, heated bird bath… The many mornings racing to the fill the feeders before work, in rain and sleet and below zero temps…

Seeing Half-Tail Squirrel peeking in the kitchen window when the seeds are late or hearing Carolina Wren chirping and leaving tiny feet prints by the backdoor in a dusting of snow makes it all worthwhile. 


And when they leave their suet in the shape of a heart?! 

Go ahead and ship me my brightly colored housedress, and field vest. 


My name is Laura and I am a Bird Watcher.  


(I would also like to give a Shout-out to longtime Coast of Illinoiser - BO, for her quick thinking and bravery in snapping a picture of the rare, inside, cold-weather Hairnet. While unsure of the exact species, it has been determined that this particular variety is harmless, most likely lethargic from an ambient heat source and too much chatter about football and Taylor Swift.) 

Coast of Illinois is not liable for any injury, or mockery sustained while photographing nets in the wild.


Happy Depths of Winter, Everyone!
Stay warm, make hot chocolate and study those seed catalogs for Spring!


Monday, January 1, 2024

Magic



Welcome to 2024. 


I don’t know about you, but I find New Year’s Day to feel crisp and fresh, no matter the weather. (It doesn’t hurt that here, on the Coast of Illinois, it leans towards the below freezing mark.) 

The entire new year stretches out on that pristine new calendar of island photos and my new day planner is loaded with goals, just waiting to be checked off in the appropriate coordinating colored pen. 

Never mind that the new day planner has pages for only 160 days… I guess at the end of the book I should be so well organized that I no longer need a planner…

(perhaps one of my goals should be to read the product descriptions more carefully before I obsessively order something I just can’t do without)


But where is the fun of that? 


You lose all magic in the world if you analyze every little detail. 


Which is why the word MAGIC is my word for 2024. 


I have long since given up on resolutions. By day six I have missed a deadline or surpassed a calorie count or skipped a workout and then the entire year is clearly shot. 

Around the time of the pandemic, I read about choosing a word to guide and define your year. 

This, I can do. 


I found my word this year on a post by one of my favorite Peloton instructors - Sam Yo @yoiamsamyo. Sam posted a word grid with instructions to look closely for what word you find first, and this will help define your year. 

MAGIC immediately popped out. 

In fact, I have been back to look at the grid several times and truth here - I have a hard time finding any other words. Yes, I know that now that my mind has found MAGIC it will always go there first, but moving on from that initial word yields irritation and the tiny yet insistent voice in my head tells me to STOP LOOKING!


And I am good with that. 


Magic in this world is one of my favorite things to believe in and experience. It’s what fueled my original idea here of Seeing Hairnets. 

Such a random event, walking in to work, only to spot not one discarded hairnet but SEVEN?! This is the World’s Magic in overdrive. (sure, it might be that I work with a bunch of non-caring slobs.) But I prefer to believe that the World wants us to have a laugh. 


Let me give you a visual example of some recent Magic.


There is a secluded, employee walkway from the fancy garage into my hospital. It’s a long, boring hall painted institutional green with glaring overhead lights that flash on as you pass. There is a chronic patch of institutional grey carpet that is wet with an industrial fan blowing the potential musty smell away. 

Some how, the paint of one section tore the way weird things happen to secluded walls. Some wonderful person noticed the rip and assigned a shape to it. Which suddenly gained google eyes.



This random cat shape caught the attention of a few other amazing people and this happened:



Bartholomew suddenly became the underground talk of the entire hospital staff. Look closely, he has a Leg Lamp, a window with CURTAINS and various celebrities peaking in, snowflakes, a Charlie Brown tree and personal Christmas cards!


Everyday we waited for a Bartholomew update, while silently praying that the Powers that Be hadn’t gotten wind and deemed it a fire hazard thus taking it down overnight. 

But this did not happen. 

Bartholomew has lived in that hallway for close to the entire month of December and he has upgraded his home!



Fireplace, Christmas lights, even GIFTS! 


I have heard so many people talking about how happy this display makes them as they walk in to work. The surprise of how silly and over the top it has become! The fact that management has not removed it!


We all know that some day Bartholomew will leave us. And like so many lives that suddenly leave, we will mourn him. But the Magic of this moment will always bring us together and make us smile.


This is the sort of crazy fun we need more of.


That one wonderful person who noticed a Cat in torn paint! 

The person who felt he needed curtains on a window!

The complete and utter silliness and joy that brought us all together in a place that is more times than not sad and difficult to be. 


Magic. 


I am wishing each of you a year filled with this sort of Magic. 

May you discover it on your own. May it wash over you. And when it does, share it with Everyone. 


Happy New Year from the Coast of Illinois. 


Monday, May 1, 2023

You Never Know



Well, hello!

Been awhile…


About seven years ago, while walking the three blocks to my car I noticed no less than six hairnets, drifting along the gutter and cowering next to buildings. 

After mentioning this on facebook and to friends at work, people started telling me about their own hairnet sightings which quickly devolved into text message photos at all hours of the day.


As a result, this blog was born in an attempt to help more people recognize the absurdities all around us. 

The stories revolved around hairnets and random thoughts with occasional travel logs and adventures in sailing. 


Then, the world itself became so absurd that my random observations on ill fitting undergarments and rogue squirrels felt irrelevant. I attempted updates here and there but my heart just wasn’t in it. I settled into a routine of working in protective gear and reading on the deck. 

PS- the middle of a pandemic is NOT the time to finally read The Stand by Stephen King…


I haven’t really noticed many hairnets hanging around lately, but, on my way along the three block, now covered, indoor walkway I saw someone’s abandoned Invisiline mouth appliance lying on the carpet. 

Just the appliance. 

No protective denture case.

Not even a zip lock baggie. 

It was as if the wearer just couldn’t take it any longer and gave it a mighty patooie.

I mean, how else could it end up unprotected, lying on a well traveled walkway? 

Was the bag so tightly packed that upon reaching in and retrieving some important piece of purse stuff the appliance, which should have been in the mouth, went zinging unnoticed?

Was the cell phone conversation so intense that it literally caused the owner to ‘lose it’? 

Was it so invisible that its owner didn’t see it?


I’ll never know. 

In fact, I was so invested in trying to think up possible scenarios in which something in my mouth could exit without notice that it didn’t even occur to me to take a photo. 

(I suppose I should say, ‘You’re Welcome’ here. Because personally, the last thing I want to see is ANYTHING which should be in someone’s mouth. This includes and is not limited to braces, rubber bands,  invisiline appliances and teeth - real, baby, false or precious metal.)


This episode took place a couple months ago. I still couldn’t quite get my thoughts on paper. 

Until two weeks ago when my husband and I went to dinner and got trapped in the middle of a tornado warning just after our entrees were delivered. 

It was clear that the weather was too dangerous to leave and let’s face it, our meals were too delicious to abandon. 

We moved away from the plate glass windows, assured ourselves that the interior bathroom was large enough to hold the dozen other diners comfortably, ordered another glass of wine and settled in for what turned out to be a very entertaining evening of weather watching. 


I love a good wine glass picture
I love a good wine glass picture

Let it be noted that I am not trying to downplay the impact of severe weather. I completely understand how bad these spring storms have been. Several tornadoes touched down only miles from our home, with one being sighted about a quarter mile from our daughter’s home.

This was the view from my sister's house, about three miles from me. 

But let’s face it. If you are in a relatively safe space and it would be more dangerous to drive with or into the storm, you might as well make the best of it. 


Once the storm passed, we made a dash to the car and as we made our way down the street I saw a sign. 

Literally. 

This sign. 


Me, in sign form.


A poor guy, riding along, working on cardio, saving the planet on his bike when BAM! He hits a surprise storm drain and goes flying. 

This sign totally gets my philosophy on so many levels. 


Always be aware of the things around you. You never know when you might see that storm drain waiting to break your leg or Spiderman trying to get a drink…


Spiderman, keeping his attitude at the door at the Broadway Oyster Bar

Until next time....

A little promo here - I am giving Write 30 days in May to help raise money for the American Cancer Society. If you would like to donate you can find my fundraising page here: 
https://www.facebook.com/donate/733301138537868/  




Wednesday, June 1, 2022

The Five Stages of Sailmaking

 (My apologies to Elizabeth Kubler Ross, whose five stages of grief are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. It was noted in her study that people, when faced with any traumatic life event will pass through these stages, in a certain order, although the person may jump ahead and then repeat these stages. Sailmaking is no exception.)


DENIAL

Even after many discussions and cost comparisons of making vs buying a ready made sail, when it was determined that making a sail would save us nearly $1000, I pretty much blocked the decision from my mind.

The kit came in this unassuming box, was placed in the basement and promptly ignored. 

For at least a month.

Maybe longer...

this box sat unopened for about a month


ACCEPTANCE

When at last it was noted that sailing season was less than a month away, we opened the box, sorted out the supplies, and set up the workspace.

Note the smile. This is what psychotic looks like.


This is the enormous spool of thread. It had to be threaded around the leg of the table as the actual machine spindle is entirely too small. 
This should be a warning. 

Note the two shades of fabric. This is an example of the layering technique used to make the sail.
The sections are numbered 1-8. This is section 8 attached to section 7. Moving from smallest to largest. Except that there is a need to skip sections and attaching 'relatively smaller to relatively larger' until all you have left is two ridiculously large sections that in NO WAY are easy to manage. The sections are sewn one on top of the other rather than along a layered seam line. It would be impossible to open and crease a traditional seam. These seams are sewn with two lines of zig-zag stitches. This not only locks the fabric twice, sort of hems the dacron and most importantly looks Super Cool 

Once the sections get too large to handle flat - which would be about one double section - the excess fabric is rolled and secured in any manner you can think of, including but not limited to double sided seam tape, masking tape, rubber bands, chip clips, paperclips and heavy duty clamps. 



Be warned - none of these methods will stay secure and will release at the most crucial moment of sewing thus causing the excess weight of the fabric to unfurl and pull from under the machine needle leading to missed stitches, broken needles and Stage Three

ANGER
At this stage you must resign yourself to the fact that two people are not going to manage this task and if you want to save the marriage you will call someone unrelated to act as mediator and fabric wrangler. In this case it was our friend The Fireman. (Our son had assisted on some of the smaller portions but for some reason became 'unavailable' by phone, text. email and search warrant.)




 The Fireman has entered into the ACCEPTANCE phase. 
Where as I am hovering between the stages of Divorce and Justifiable Homicide. 

However, the fewer giant pieces of dacron left lying on the furniture and floor of the basement gradually placed me into 
BARGAINING
I have ceased any inner dialogue. I am openly praying to any and every deity available to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't break another needle and make me resew the last three feet again....


Apparently my prayers were answered as when what I thought was my last needle snapped into fourteen tiny shrapnels, I found an entire new pack of heavy duty needles in my supply dish. 

Once the sail is completely pieced together the sides must be finished which involves encasing the raw edge in double fold fabric. This went much easier that any of us expected. 
The final sewing machine task is making the channel for the bolt rope. The bolt rope stiffens the leading edge of the sail and allows a more firm edge to the hanks which will attach to the forestay. 
(In layman's terms - this hooks the front sail to that front line as noted in every cartoon drawing of a sailboat.)




Now we enter into possibly the saddest moment of this sailmaking process. Or the most optimistic depending on your mindset. Note that tiny string extending from the bottom of the sail? This is the waxed cord that is enclosed in the rope channel. Ideally it does not get sewn down or stuck to the seam tape because it is going to be attached to the bolt rope itself and then very carefully pulled through the channel by the guy in the garage as The Fireman and I quietly pray and take bets on just when and where the cord is going to either get stuck or break. 


a close up of the cord and the attached rope

Which now leads us to the final official stage of Kubler-Ross's stages
DEPRESSION

Because, if you hadn't figured it out yet, the cord broke exactly ONE FOOT from the opposite end. There may have been some light cursing and an exchange of money. 
We had a cheese and cracker break and after a group vote it was decided to make a small incision into the channel itself, reattach the cord and work that %$#$%$ rope through to the end. 

Thus ending the Five Stages.
I would like to amend these stages with one final stage

DEVIOUS JOY!!

I have now come to the realization that I NO LONGER have to sew anything on the machine! 
HA! 
There are just bags of hardware left on the supply table and this is NOT my job.

Except that I have just been informed that the metal rings have been attached to the top and bottom of the bolt rope and now I have to HAND SEW them securely. 

Commencing re-entry into 
ANGER
DENIAL
BARGAINING
DEPRESSION
ACCEPTANC


This will make it all worthwhile, once that sail is complete....

At this writing I have successfully ignored my hand sewing duties for a week. The picture above is of St. Frank with the too small jib sail from our much smaller wooden boat. Thankfully, although sadly, the month of May has not cooperated weather-wise or life schedule-wise to allow us to get to the boat. 
I have managed to get the cushion covers washed up, purchased some surprisingly cheap non-breakable dishware, and planned the cabin curtains. Although the fabric for same is still lying downstairs waiting to be cut. Oh, and the bimini still needs to be measured for fabric purchase and creation. 
But that will be another, less hateful post.
I hope....