Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Wait for it...it's an Anniversary and a ...Hairnet Update!!

It is mid-August. It has been a quiet summer. And I just realized that this blog has been up and running for an entire year! That's twelve full months of Hairnet updates and stories about the sometimes ridiculous, sometimes poignant happenings here on the Coast of Illinois. Thank you all for your support and tolerance. And thank you for your Hairnet photos.

That's right.

The Hairnets are back. And they are flocking. And using public transportation. Again.

Today, I walked down what is now going to be known as Hairnet Alley, that four block stretch of side street surrounded by parking lots and a rehab center. At the rehab sign I noted three Hairnets of varying sizes lurking and plotting to take down the next poor person on crutches just trying to cross the road at the designated crosswalk hoping to make it to their rehab appointment. In the next block I spotted another trio of Nets loitering by the side entrance to the Creepy Garage.

Security is becoming an issue. Recently a rare albino Net was spotted caught in the treacherous chain link at my train station. The Metro gaurds were ridiculously nonchalant. However, I expect a series poster for What to do in a Hairnet Emergency  to be showing up soon. After all, I called the emergency number given me by the clearly reliable woman on my train who was given a 'direct line' to Metro security after she conducted a feasibility study on riding the train while looking fabulous but without a ticket. And answering that hotline as "Metropolitan St. Louis Psychiatric Center"...nice cover. Kudos.

Fences. Keeping Hairnets captive since ...the invention of fences. and hairnets.
I have also received word from a diligent Spotter that the Nets are heeding the words of Horace Greeley and 'going West'. It seems a rather large rogue Net was spotted in Kansas City, where everything is up-to-date. The brave Spotter risked her very life (and the life of her mother) to snap a photo,. But the photo has suspiciously disappeared. I fear it is a conspiracy between ATT and The Hairclub for Men. Whatever you do – Do Not – I repeat – Do Not – attempt any hair restoration or removal until this threat has been thoroughly investigated. 

Should the need arise, a notice will be posted here advising the institution of the Foil Hat Protocol.

So stay tuned. Life on the Coast of Illinois continues with plans of sailing the fifteen foot sailboat in the Gulf of Mexico, taking the family to the land of the Kardashians for a wedding and seriously finishing that ^&#($* novel manuscript, it promises to be...hairy.

Stay Safe. Guard your Follicles. And Do Not attempt to upgrade your phone until the designated time.

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