If All the Kids Ate Kale Ice Cream....

I admit it.

I am a 'foodie'.

I love food – eating it, reading about it, shopping for it...

Okay, that last one may be an exaggeration, although I have been known to drag people to farmer's markets while on vacation in hotel rooms where there is no hope of cooking that artisinal, heritage, kombucho-tomato-peach hybrid.

You give me a Buzzfeed list of TWENTY-THOUSAND CROCKPOT DINNERS UNDER FIVE MINUTES or a Tasteeee list of BREAKFASTS THAT WILL REVOLUTIONIZE YOUR MORNING ROUTINE AND MAKE YOU LOSE FIFTEEN POUNDS IN FIVE MINUTES

and I immediately pin-it, make a list, plan meals for the next seven months and spend way too much money at the grocery.

All to forget where I hid the list and wind up making my famous ground beef and broccoli with garlic salt.

I do pride myself on actually being somewhat ahead of the game:

Greek yogurt? First person to request it at our local market.

Hummus? Tried making my own with garbanzo beans and peanut butter for some vegetarian friends in the late 80's.

I even made borscht way back in 1979, long before it was politically trendy to be associated with Russia.

But all buzz about 'overnight oats'?

I have resisted whole-heart-healthily. There was nothing about 'overnight oats' that appealed to me. Oats, milk, fruit mixed and placed in the fridge for twelve hours, then eaten cold???

Sounded like the fixings for a container of cement at worst and a soggy bowl of cold soggy grain at almost worst.

I am that person who barely pours milk on regular cereal, let alone marinate my flakes in it.

Frankly, oatmeal in my opinion is best hot, and as cookies.

It took Ree Drummond, the Pioneer Woman of Food Network fame, to convince me to attempt 'overnight oats'. Her pleasant, sweet optimism as she poured heavy cream, fresh chopped strawberries, half and half, brown sugar and oats into a mason jar, tightened the lid, shook it up and place it in her perfectly organized refrigerator gave me hope that if I too gave 'overnight oats' a try, my morning would greet me with a lovely pink sunrise over a beautiful field of horses.

This is what my breakfast looked like: 

There is not a photo filter in the world that could improve on this picture.

I concede, I did not use a mason jar and I did not have fresh strawberries. And while I did have heavy cream in the fridge, I opted for slightly lighter almond milk and a splash of half and half with blueberries and banana standing in for the fruit component.

You can never convince me that there is some special Mason Jar Alchemy that magically turns this pile of goo into a creamy bowl of deliciousness.

And its ice cold.

I took a couple tastes straight from the fridge before dumping my Rubbermaid container into a bowl and microwaving for a few minutes.

Which succeeded in putting the missing component of heat into this messed up experiment and turned the cold bowl of goo into a warm bowl of slightly banana scented plaster. And since I was short one monkey with a broken leg in need of casting, or a fracture in the New Madrid Fault line in need of shoring up, I tossed the entire mess into the trash and opted for what may be the new breakfast trend: 

Peanut butter and those fantastic cookies Southwest Airlines passes out with Pour Over coffee on the side. That's right, I am that person...

Rob took the trash out later that day and commented on the heftiness of the bag comparable to the actual amount of trash in the can.

I kept my mouth shut and read up on SEVENTY TWO INGENIOUS WAYS TO USE KOHLRABI. 

*Those 'Southwest' cookies are made by belVita. They boast a hefty dose of protein to keep you full all rolled into a delicious cookie. This is, in fact, true.

 

***I am very excited to announce that Coast of Illinois will be included in an upcoming list of Best Blogs to Follow in 2017! by Wendy Dressler. And if you are a blogger go on over to my Because Friends tab for info on her Guest Posting Sites guide.

You can find Wendy at http://www.outreachmama.com.****

The First Step is Admitting...

I had an A-Ha* moment yesterday.

I was standing in the area which doubles as a break area, quietly munching my cucumber circles dipped in hummus. A co-worker walked past, paused and said, "Don't look so sad. What's the matter?"

Brought back from my reverie, I didn't have the heart to tell him. I wasn't contemplating the fiscal cliff, the declining polar ice cap or even my job. I was contemplating the fact that while I love cucumbers – with their crunchy refreshingness – and I love hummus - with its spicy, slightly grainy texture – I DO NOT love them together.

Instead I smiled and muttered something that ended in a 'no worries but thanks for asking' nod.

And that's where the A-Ha comes in. If I can contemplate my afternoon snack with such intensity as to elicit concern I must face the facts now and change my ways before I get caught fighting Anthony Bourdain for pig cheeks and raw quail.

That's right. I am a Foodie.

Would someone please get me a can of spaghetti-ohs...

*It is my understanding that The Oprah has trademarked 'A-Ha'. I scoff at trademarked words. Besides, I doubt that The Oprah is reading this and if she is – call me! According to my husband there is enough material  here for a prime time special.

** HEY!