Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Smoke? No, just me thinking again...

Just a small observation from a recently attended wedding:

A thong provides little protection when dancing to the song "SHOUT". *

Okay, sorry guys. I am not intentionally trying to alienate you. Yes, it is unfair to mention 'thong' right at the beginning of a post without it leading into a discussion of other flimsy undergarments or at least Kim Kardashian.** But, unless you men have ever worn a thong, you have no idea of the implications.

Especially if that thong is combined with those latex tubes known as shape-wear...think about it.

Also, just how often do you see men actually out there dancing to "SHOUT"? (I am talking about wedding reception dance floors here. Not beer soaked frat parties or our basement on DDR night.) Statistically the dance floor is made up of half the wedding party with the rest of the dancers being two thirds small children and toddlers and one third women. (and of those two thirds of small children and toddlers, a full three quarters of them are girls.)

So just where am I going with this?

Ladies, should you find yourself in this position – thong+SHOUT+/-shapewear – and suddenly realize the truth of the above observation, I suggest you follow these steps:

Grab the nearest toddler (most likely a girl)
Hug her closely and say in a moderately loud voice, "Oh, honey, its Okay. Lets go find your Mom."
Gracefully sweep her off the dance floor while moderately loudly announcing, "I think she had a little accident." 
Walk determinedly towards the bathroom, dropping the confused little girl in the tutu next to a hunk of wedding cake.
Disappear into the crowd.

No need to worry about the toddler. She will have forty-three years to get over the trauma before experiencing her own issues with dancing to "SHOUT" and wearing thongs.

*I feel well qualified to discuss the inherent danger of dancing to SHOUT as I am close personal friends with Ron Isley. Okay, actually I sat two tables over from Ron at a Blues review. And even though I didn't recognize him until he took the stage, it was clear he was someone extremely cool and famous.

**I have no idea if Kim Kardashian wears thongs or shape-wear or any combination of the two. I have my suspicions but since the poor girl just had a baby I am willing to cut her a break. Plus, she is well on her way to understanding exactly what the implications of the above observation truly are. 

Ps - Congratulations to my sweet friend Sarah and her new husband TJ. And just so you know, this is just an observation and in no way is an admission of damaging the carpet at your reception venue. My offer to dry clean the rug was just part of my wedding gift to you.

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