Friday, May 6, 2016

For Nurse-Moms Everywhere. Not Nursing Moms - that is something completely different

My kids were screwed from the start.

Their dad is in law enforcement and I am a nurse.

Our dinner conversations sounded like a page from Darwin's Theory of Evolution Playbook:

'Drinking a jar of pickle juice will NOT change the results of a urine drug test.
It WILL make you puke.'
'If the DOG won't eat the ground beef, then you probably shouldn't either.
You will get food poisoning.'
'The palm of your hand DOES NOT go IN FRONT of the nail gun.'

They learned the two pearls of wisdom nurses live by: 
 'If you can YELL then you can breathe.
'All bleeding stops eventually...' 

I had no idea how much an impression our work discussions made until I raced home from a night shift for a parent-teacher conference. I barely made it onto the tiny 4th grade desk for my arranged time. The teacher laughed. It seems our son had informed her that – and I quote - 'Mom will be on time, unless somebody shows up at change of shift trying to die.'

It was somewhere around this moment that I became dubbed the meanest Nurse-Mom in our house.

But, I make no apologies. In this house, we take ALL the antibiotics – even if they taste like rotten raccoon guts. If the fever is less than 102, I am pretty sure you will live; drink some water and take a nap. Unless there is a BONE sticking out of that wound you are STILL going to school.

You get the idea.

I am going to let you in on something I don't think the kids ever knew.

Even though I appeared less than compassionate, I spent a whole lot of nights jumping to exotic conclusions.

Headache – has to be an inoperable brain tumor.

Joint aches – obviously Guillain-Barre

Nausea and vomiting - inoperable brain tumor.

As a Nurse-Mom, it is impossible to not project all your patient's diagnosis on your family.

It is also impossible to not project the love for you children onto your patients. Which is why I could never take care of children when my kids were little.

And now that they are adults, if one of my patients is within ten years of my kids' ages, I see them lying in that bed.

And I thank God that it is not them.

I know most Moms exhibit a lot of the qualities I have described. But Nurse-Moms are educated to see and react in a particular manner which simultaneously identifies a problem, devises a plan and achieves an outcome. In nursing school we spent hours writing out this process for every imaginable diagnosis.

It's called a Care Plan.

We wrote them on 4x6 note cards and stored them in a recipe file.

And be warned, children, it is only going to get worse.

I have an entire file of plans to address every adult ill you may encounter with a special sub-file for grandchildren.

Because we Nurse-Moms are the meanest moms around.

Obviously these two have some sort of thyroid issue.
Today - May 6th is National Nurses Day, the culmination of National Nurses Week. If you know a nurse, give him or her a hug and let them know YOU know how important and difficult their job is.
Sunday is Mother's Day -Moms come in a variety of sizes and shapes. They may not even be related. But if they spent at least one sleepless night worrying about you  take a minute and give a special person in your life a hug and let them know YOU know it wasn't always easy.
And if you are lucky enough to have a Nurse-Mom, please wash your hands and cover your mouth when you cough, but give them an extra big hug all the same.

If you would like to read more about my life as a nurse - please click on the 'It's a Living' tab at the top of this page.
Now take your vitamin and go for a walk. That fresh air will do wonders. 


  1. Oh man, I can only imagine how much craziness you come up with.....heck I'm not even a nurse and I envision everything to be a dire emergency! I've always loved nurses in general - they are the angels of patients. Without them, I'm convinced, our healthcare system would come to a dead stop. Fun post xo

    1. Thanks Claudia! We wouldn't be Moms without our wild imaginary child dangers!!

  2. Happy Nurse's Day! This post is too cute. I am not nurse but I go through all the nightmare scenarios in my head while at the same time ever the coach I tell my kids to get up and walk it off.

    1. Thank you! I think our wild scenarios are a defense mechanism!!

  3. I love this!! I remember when my 2 year old son climbed on my back while I was squatting down putting on my daughter's shoes. He fell back, but only a short fall. No big deal. We had a regular check up doctor's appointment and everything went well. Went to a friend's house later that day and her husband was a doctor. The kids were playing outside and Steven was complaining of his wrist hurting. I brushed it off. My friend's husband suggested I take him to the emergency room. Sure enough--a broken wrist! I can't begin to tell you the number of times I told the kids to suck it up!! I saw people with real problems everyday, but deep down I worried about brain cancer with headaches, etc.!! Still do! Only now I not only have my kids to worry about, but 8 grandkids! It never ends!

    1. LOL! I still guilt MY mom over my broken wrist that she brushed off for two days! If I ever have grandkids I will be bubble wrapping them!!

  4. Sorry that I missed Nurses Day but happy Mother's Day! My mother-in-law is a pediatric nurse. It was such a comfort as my kids were growing up that she was just a phone call away.

  5. Sharing this one. I would never have made it as a nurse (my Mom wanted me to go into the medical profession - I wouldn't have survived a day)now my son will know there are meaner Moms out there than me. Alana

    1. Oh dear! If you need me to hound your son about a specific health issue just let me know!!

  6. I am very glad that statement of purpose for nursing school is doing a great job according to your requirements. Keep posting author. :)


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