For Nurse-Moms Everywhere. Not Nursing Moms - that is something completely different

My kids were screwed from the start.

Their dad is in law enforcement and I am a nurse.

Our dinner conversations sounded like a page from Darwin's Theory of Evolution Playbook:

'Drinking a jar of pickle juice will NOT change the results of a urine drug test.

It WILL make you puke.'

'If the DOG won't eat the ground beef, then you probably shouldn't either.

You will get food poisoning.'

'The palm of your hand DOES NOT go IN FRONT of the nail gun.'

They learned the two pearls of wisdom nurses live by: 

 'If you can YELL then you can breathe.

and

'All bleeding stops eventually...' 

 

I had no idea how much an impression our work discussions made until I raced home from a night shift for a parent-teacher conference. I barely made it onto the tiny 4^th grade desk for my arranged time. The teacher laughed. It seems our son had informed her that – and I quote - 'Mom will be on time, unless somebody shows up at change of shift trying to die.'

It was somewhere around this moment that I became dubbed the meanest Nurse-Mom in our house.

But, I make no apologies. In this house, we take ALL the antibiotics – even if they taste like rotten raccoon guts. If the fever is less than 102, I am pretty sure you will live; drink some water and take a nap. Unless there is a BONE sticking out of that wound you are STILL going to school.

You get the idea.

I am going to let you in on something I don't think the kids ever knew.

Even though I appeared less than compassionate, I spent a whole lot of nights jumping to exotic conclusions.

Headache – has to be an inoperable brain tumor.

Joint aches – obviously Guillain-Barre

Nausea and vomiting - inoperable brain tumor.

As a Nurse-Mom, it is impossible to not project all your patient's diagnosis on your family.

It is also impossible to not project the love for you children onto your patients. Which is why I could never take care of children when my kids were little.

And now that they are adults, if one of my patients is within ten years of my kids' ages, I see them lying in that bed.

And I thank God that it is not them.

I know most Moms exhibit a lot of the qualities I have described. But Nurse-Moms are educated to see and react in a particular manner which simultaneously identifies a problem, devises a plan and achieves an outcome. In nursing school we spent hours writing out this process for every imaginable diagnosis.

It's called a Care Plan.

We wrote them on 4x6 note cards and stored them in a recipe file.

And be warned, children, it is only going to get worse.

I have an entire file of plans to address every adult ill you may encounter with a special sub-file for grandchildren.

Because we Nurse-Moms are the meanest moms around.

Obviously these two have some sort of thyroid issue.

Today - May 6th is National Nurses Day, the culmination of National Nurses Week. If you know a nurse, give him or her a hug and let them know YOU know how important and difficult their job is.
Sunday is Mother's Day -Moms come in a variety of sizes and shapes. They may not even be related. But if they spent at least one sleepless night worrying about you  take a minute and give a special person in your life a hug and let them know YOU know it wasn't always easy.
And if you are lucky enough to have a Nurse-Mom, please wash your hands and cover your mouth when you cough, but give them an extra big hug all the same.

If you would like to read more about my life as a nurse - please click on the 'It's a Living' tab at the top of this page.
Now take your vitamin and go for a walk. That fresh air will do wonders.