Monday, April 1, 2013

I Am, I Said...outloud...on the train....

A thought occurred to me on my train ride into work the other day.

Why hasn't anyone done a musical based on the music of Neil Diamond?

Just imagine...

Emma Stone as 'Rosie', the pork rind salesgirl who is looking for love. She meets streetwalker with a heart of gold 'Caroline' (Michelle Williams) and together they follow Caroline's dream of redemption at a traveling salvation show. (Samuel L. Jackson as Brother Love.) The girls would find their true loves at Crunchy Granola, the breakfast cafe operated by beloved actress and national treasure Betty White. But only after a steamy rendition of Cherry Cherry in which Neil would appear to the girls in a vision and Rosie would finally earn the nickname 'Cracklin'.

It could be titled HOT AUGUST NIGHTS!

It was then pointed out that there is already a movie about Neil Diamond – The Jazz Singer. However, after a little research, I discovered that The Jazz Singer merely starred Neil. It was actually a remake of an older movie of the same name but given the classic Neil Diamond spandex and singable melody twist.

My musical would have much less family guilt and a whole lot more spandex...and sequins...and spandex.

This would also pave the way for a dance version: HOT AUGUST KNIGHTS! (Which was actually my husband's idea, sent to me via text message.)

This is the point where I actually laughed out loud.

It is also the moment when I finally understood why people rarely sit next to me on the train...


  1. Hot August Knights sounds like a p0rn movie. Or a Jackie Ivie novel. (No disrespect to Jackie, she's awesome, plus about nine feet tall, so she could totally kick my butt.)

    I can so see Michele Williams as "Caroline." Better start working on that treatment, Hollywood'll be calling.

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    2. Lol! There is always room for a 'porn' option! But it would have to be tasteful and the nudity must advance the plot!
      Thanks for the read Beverly!

  2. Holy Crap...I just read "Neil Diamond," "porn," and "cracklin" in the same minute. My head exploded. But thanks for the laugh! I was taking a picture of abandoned panties in a rainy parking lot (see my blog for details) this morning and thought of Barry Manilow singing "I Made It Through The Rain!"

  3. Thanks for the read BME - I feel that I have done my job if I make coffee spew from a nose or cause someone's head explode!

  4. Funny -- and actually a brilliant idea! Workshop the idea, rehearse it in Boston, then take it to Broadway. I'd like two tickets, center orchestra, please.


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