Thursday, August 30, 2012


The Coast of Illinois is on Alert! We have been warned that Hurricane Isaac is moving our way. Our weathermen are pulling all nighters in preparation. They are practicing waving their laser pointers at simulated pictures of the Arch as it is pummeled by waves from the Mississippi. They are standing on overpasses in their raincoats, microphones gripped powerfully, rehearsing phrases like "Its raining cats and dogs here on Highway 64" and "Back to you Dave, hope you're dry in the studio" while camera guys hurl buckets of simulated rain on them.

I imagine the graphics department is working overtime trying to create just the right icon to depict the horror we are sure to endure. We have the twirly tornado and the fluffy snow-spewing clouds which hover in the lower left corner of the television effectively blocking out the secret ingredient for CHOPPED. But so far, the only icon for Hurricane Isaac is a multicolored blob. Might I suggest a nice tropical rum drink?

We are no strangers to rough weather. We have our tornado drills and our snow storm emergency aisle at the grocery. But I am quite sure – if a hurricane can travel the 676.8 miles from New Orleans to St. Louis and wreak the sort of havoc it has on the Gulf Coast, well...I don't think any amount of bottled water and stock piled batteries will save us.

But just in case, I have stocked up on rum.

(Don't take this installment as a slam against the true devastation hurricanes can cause. I have a co-worker whose family had to evacuate and a former co-worker whose family remains on the Gulf Coast without power. Stories from the healthcare workers who survived Katrina are horrifying. As I see it, weathermen are the ones I am going to need to watch out for.)

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