Monday, August 27, 2012

Fear the Thighs

I subscribed to a fitness magazine a few weeks back. It was an impossible offer to pass up. Not only did it promise me Abs to Die For and Fifty Meals under 75 Calories, the subscription price was $5 AND if I acted now I would receive the exclusive Elastic-Muscle Lengthening-Tone Your Entire Body Workout!

My giant orange rubber band came in the mail on Friday.

It took me a three days to study the pictures of the smiling models as they demonstrated the Easy to Learn Moves. Each one wrapped to some degree in the giant orange rubber band which promised a quick and simple way to strengthen and tone through gentle resistance.

It took me five tries to secure the giant orange rubber band under my foot for the first exercise. After the fifth snap and subsequent curse word my husband sheepishly crept up the stairs to see if I was OK. He was rewarded with a view of me on my back, legs in the air, giant orange rubber band wrapped around my legs attempting to perform what can only be described as a medically unsanctioned alternative birthing method.

He tried not to laugh too hard. I tried not to leave a mark.

Its amazing how far jello thighs can launch a giant orange rubberband.

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