Sunday, April 17, 2016

Namaste, Salmon. Namaste.

A little while back, we had dinner at one of our favorite cafes. They serve an Americana style menu with a little French flair. The atmosphere is one of a French bistro – warm wood interior with tall tables and hidden booths. The patio is cobblestone with two and four tops at the intersection of a charming corner of the city.
The food has always been first rate. 

I am a little concerned over the health of the ranchers, what with their lack of antibiotics. Although I applaud their refusal to use hormones; unless they are menopausal. At that point, anything goes.
It does feel a little neglectful to let those poor cows wander aimlessly throughout the Midwest. There are a lot of grasses available but from the smell of my last train ride, not all of those grasses are legal.
All we need round these parts are a bunch of sky-high bovines with the munchies running rampant through St. Louis.

Now don't get me wrong.
I enjoy a nice cut of beef. And I have discovered that there is actually a difference between grass-fed and grain-fed steak.
Usually it's about three dollars more a pound.

And then there was the Salmon Feature...
Once we ascertained that this was, in fact, a menu item and NOT a growth on one of the waiters...

This raises so many more questions than it answers.
What sort of foods 'meant for human consumption' are we talking about here?
Where do these foods come from?
Are there tiny Irish fishes stealing food from fishermen kitchens?
Does that mean that Irish fishermen are starving in order to provide me with salmon?
Sour Patch Kids are meant for human consumption. I think it might violate several animal rights treaties, feeding these to any fish, let alone salmon.

And who does the hand feeding? That sounds super tedious.
Unless they have giant food dispensers dispensing fruits and vegetables and bits of meat into the hands of tiny Irish school children on field trips. Because then it would be awesome.

And if that ocean pen is 99.5% water...what is the other .5%?
Given as it's Ireland I am assuming it is beer. Which might actually be pretty tasty.

I don't even want to think about the net cleaning process. Except to say I hope they use fluoride netpaste. It would be cruel to have a bunch of school children trying to hand feed salmon snack cakes only to find the fishes teeth have fallen out due to lack of fluoride.

In the end, I was not sure if I should order the Salmon or adopt it.
I eventually ordered the quiche.


  1. This is hilarious! I've always wondered about the weird descriptions of entrees just like this one when ordering off of a menu!

    1. All their other menu items are pretty normal descriptions. I am hoping someone was just having a little fun.

  2. Sharing this one; I am into organic and local foods (not 100% but, well, some of the time) but this was hysterical. I'm also wondering about the .5% that isn't water - I won't sleep well tonight, wondering about those poor salmon. (I do hope it's beer. Or whiskey.) Alana

    1. Thanks for the share!! Actually, I love the idea of supporting local growers. This just seemed a little over the top.

  3. Too funny. 99.5 percent this menu a joke?

    1. Sad; no! Although most of the other menu items are not quite as elaborately described.


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